


The Right Medicine

by outsideth3box



Category: Stargate: Atlantis
Genre: 100-1000 Words, Alien Planet, Established Relationship, Humor, Injury, M/M, Slash, Team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-26
Updated: 2010-03-26
Packaged: 2017-10-08 07:58:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/74405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outsideth3box/pseuds/outsideth3box
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of course the plant that McKay cut his hand on was poisonous. Of course.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Right Medicine

**Author's Note:**

> Wordcount: 805  
> Disclaimer: not mine, no profit, no infringement intended.  
> **Beta:** [](http://shaddyr.livejournal.com/profile)[**shaddyr**](http://shaddyr.livejournal.com/)  
>  For my [](http://community.livejournal.com/cliche_bingo/profile)[**cliche_bingo**](http://community.livejournal.com/cliche_bingo/) card. Prompt: Magical healing cock

"I think it's starting to swell, Colonel, I... I had better sit down. Where's my Epi-pen? Give me my pack!" Rodney managed to make grabbing motions at Ronon while cradling his bleeding right hand at the same time. Impressive.

"Relax, McKay. Teyla and the healer will be here shortly. Getting all wound up will just pump up your heart rate."

Still, even though the cut was only an inch or so, it was slowly, but continuously, dripping blood and the area looked very red. It did, in fact, look like it was swelling, but Rodney wouldn't let go of it long enough to get a second opinion. He seemed otherwise fine for now.

Teyla had gone to fetch the village healer. Everyone had agreed that if toxins were involved, it was better to bring the healer here, than to have Rodney walk to the village and rush the potential poison into his bloodstream.

"Yes, and when the healer-shaman-voodoo priest gets here, shakes his bag of bones and feathers at me and I continue to swell up like a balloon, then keel over and die, I reserve the right to haunt your scrawny ass forever and ever," Rodney snapped, too busy staring at his hand to notice Ronon holding out his Epi-pen until the big man snickered and poked him with it.

"You think that's funny?" Rodney grabbed the Epi-pen and waved it like a pointing finger. "Can't you see that there's something happening here? There's obvious redness and swelling, I've clearly been poisoned and will probably die writhing in agony and you're laughing?"

"McKay," Ronon said with a sly grin. "You're not supposed to talk about Sheppard's ass on missions."

"Wha-" McKay stared, completely derailed. "Who? How? What are you implying? I didn't say anything about- it's a figure of speech, you neanderthal! I never-" Rodney sputtered and spat, bouncing between glaring at Ronon and shooting pleading looks at Sheppard.

"Rodney. He knows," Sheppard said, stepping closer to the small boulder where Rodney sat. He scrunched down to look him in the eye. "Ronon and Teyla both know."

'They do? They- how? I swear, Colonel I-"

"I told them. Well, I told Ronon. He asked and I had to explain about Don't Ask, Don't Tell. And, well, it didn't seem right for all of us to be hiding something from Teyla. She's team."

Sheppard scratched the back of his neck and looked uncomfortable. "I would have mentioned it, but we haven't seen each other much the past few days. I didn't want to make a big deal of it when we had better things to do."

"Oh, well. Yes. I can... yes, better things to do." Rodney flushed deeply for a moment and Sheppard was briefly concerned that it was a reaction to the toxins in the cut, but it faded and he stood, looking down the path.

"Here comes Teyla and the healer."

"Oh, my god! What did I tell you? Okay, maybe I was ever so slightly off on the details, but, so. Not a bag of bones, but definitely feathers!" Rodney's eyes were huge and horrified. "What is that? No! Absolutely do not bring that thing near me!"

Teyla moved swiftly and spoke in her most Rodney-calming voice. "Dr. McKay, this man is a knowledgeable healer. He is born and raised here, and very familiar with the plant that cut you. It is well-known to produce toxins to which some people react strongly. He knows the antidote."

"And what is it? Is there a sacrifice now? Do we all dance in a circle and chant? Can't someone just run to the gate and get help?"

At that point the healer stepped forward, holding the bird in the crook of his arm, petting it gently. "This bird has oil glands in its skin with which it preens and conditions its feathers. In the wild they nest in the bushes of the type that injured you. These oil glands also produce an anti-toxin to keep the birds well in case they should be nicked by a particularly sharp leaf."

"So, fine. Go and extract some anti-toxin and come back with a vial of oil, or a swab or something. Take the bird and its very sharp beak and claws elsewhere!" Rodney almost sidled off the edge of his boulder and Ronon reached out and stopped him.

"I am sorry, Dr. McKay. The neutralizer breaks down very, very quickly, so the source must be fresh or it will be useless. You must place your hand on the bird's body, like so." And the healer demonstrated the proper caressing motion.

"Rodney," Teyla said. "The healer has assured me that the bird is very gentle and good natured. He is well accustomed to attention."

"Come on, Rodney," John cajoled. "Pet the nice pharmaceutical rooster and let's go home"


End file.
